Thankful

2010 was a difficult year.

That is probably the understatement of the century.

However, instead of wallowing in the badness - I rose above! I'm really proud to be able to look back and see how I've been able to find healthy, productive ways to deal.

My beloved grandfather passed away in February.  Exactly one month later, my fiancés father was found dead in his home. He was only 58, and it was completely unexpected.  I'm so proud that I was strong for Mike and his 18 year old sister, while being able to support my mother (she had a really difficult time with my grandfather's passing.)  I'm amazed that I was able to deal with the police, medical examiners, out of town family, make funeral arrangements. That seems like something for REAL adults to do - I'm not one of them yet!

We also lost Mike's mom's twin... at this point the losses just seem like rubbing salt into a very raw wound.

That series of events through MANY things into my life into a tailspin.  Some are really personal, and not blog fodder, but know that March, April, May, June, and July were ugly, ugly times. We made our engagement official in May (yay!) and that little ray of sunshine helped to get me through.

I was very unhappy in my previous job (as earlier postings show), but instead of feeling bad for myself (well... I did that a bit too) I made moves.  Changed to a new school in a new city teaching a new grade.  I was TERRIFIED, but I did it!

In the midst of all of this - I lost 65 pounds.  I am a runner, and I think that is definitely part of what has kept me sane.  The alone time with nature, time to think, time to process has really helped.  I'm reaching goals, reaching them, and setting new ones. I always wanted to be a runner - and now I am one!  I've stepped out of my box to try new activities like boot camp, Zumba, and kickboxing.  I got up on a rainy Thanksgiving morning to run a 5k?  WHO AM I?

I am Bonnie! I am strong - physically and emotionally. This year (the past 7 years, really) has been so hard, but my growth has been nothing short of phenomenal. I know of at least two other people that have undertaken weight loss journeys thanks to my example.

 I think about my grandfather, and I hope I make him proud. I think of Mike's dad, and I hope he sees me taking care of his children.

I know 2011 will bring more joy and more pain.  I'm not scared.  I'm ready for what comes my way, and I know where to turn for support when I need it.  And of course, I will keep running!